World

How to Get Laid Again After Months of Isolation

May 19, 2021
The CDC said Thursday the masks can come off, so we’re about to see a lot of cute faces out there after months of isolation. Faces that you didn’t think were cute before lockdown are probably pretty appealing to you now, and people all over the country are preparing for a slutty summer . But we’ve been without consistent human contact since, what, March 2020? How are you supposed to flirt—and get some—now? Know that you’re not alone “Many people are feeling socially rusty after being out of practice ‘IRL,’” dating and relationship expert Cora Boyd assured Lifehacker. “The good news about that is because many people are experiencing this, no one person is alone in feeling awkward/not entirely knowing how to navigate connecting with new people in this in-between world we’re currently in.” No, seriously. You’re not alone because we were all alone. And now we’re not. “There is no doubt in my mind I have become more awkward all across the board, even in social interactions with friends. It feels like I’ve spent so much time talking to myself and my screen, I’ve noticed that simply being out in a public setting now with a crowd of people is stressful,” admitted Kelli Brewster, a 26-year-old singer-songwriter who spent most of the pandemic locked down with her family in Colorado. Brewster added that now, when she has met up with a guy she’s been talking to, she laughs to fill the silence because it’s just “so awkward.” Remember that anyone you’re flirting with is probably feeling just as uncomfortable as you are. Bond over the weirdness Boyd said awkwardness is “inherently part of flirting.” “In attraction, we often feel a little off balance; that’s what’s exciting about it. And we call it sexual ‘tension’ for a reason. Let the awkwardness be part of the flirtation. You can even flirt about feeling awkward. It will be something to connect on.” Ask what their quarantine was like or straight-up admit that you’re feeling out of your element after so many months off the scene. Self-assuredness is fine and good, but openness and honesty are just as attractive. Let go of your pandemic hangups Nicky Paris, a 28-year-old comedian based in Los Angeles , already had an unconventional dating life before the lockdowns hit. He travels frequently for work—for instance, he’s opening up for Bill Dawes at The Laugh Factory in Las Vegas in June—and had to work around all that time away and the pressure of dating with a growing public profile. In quarantine, he decided to just bunker down with the first warm body available, like a lot of people did. “I’m always looking for love because I’m tired of paying for my own dinner! I think we can all agree that lobster tastes better if you’re not paying for it,” he joked before turning serious: “I certainly grabbed someone to cuddle up with at the start of the pandemic because I’ve recently lowered my standards. Don’t judge me; it’s nice to have someone else get up and get the remote for you.” But you’re not locked up anymore, so don’t be locked down. Paris no longer needs anyone to get the remote because we are free of our Netflix prison now that bars have opened back up. He dumped his lockdown lover and you should consider doing the same if you weren’t that into the person. Being hung up on someone only ties you to the past and increases your likelihood of failing to relate to a potential partner you actually want. Don’t stay in a wack situationship just because you’re worried you’re too socially inept to meet anyone again. Brewster agreed: “Quarantine romance was tricky. On one hand, I was bored and needed a distraction from the entire world falling apart, and on the other...there is only so much you can talk to someone about over text.” Talk to everyone “I think it’s still tricky to meet someone under these circumstances but if you’re single, you’re not alone, so try and be optimistic. You never know who’s under the mask next to you in line at Trader Joe’s,” said Paris, who added his social skills “have never been stronger” since he’s hitting the scene hard. Paris has the right idea here. You should be looking for opportunities to meet and talk to as many new people as possible. “The biggest contributors to awkwardness and lack of confidence in flirting are lack of practice and super high mental stakes,” advised Boyd, who is a proponent of the always-on mentality. “It’s important to lower the stakes for yourself and create opportunities to stay socially warmed up. Practice being friendly and playful with everyone as you move through the day. You’ll be warmed up when you cross paths with someone you’re attracted to.” Practice makes perfect. Seriously, chat up everybody you meet. It’s been so long since most people have been in basic social situations that you might be surprised how open to a conversation strangers are. The other day, the cashier at the bodega made a pretty inappropriate comment about me. Prior to lockdown, I would have thoroughly chewed him out, but you know what I did? I high-fived him. The crack was funny and frankly, I missed low-stakes interactions with strangers, even weird ones. Get back out there and go for it “I think people are wanting to start getting back out there. You can literally feel the city bursting at the seams,” mused Brewster, who dipped out of her familial home and headed back to New York to restart her social life as soon as she was able to. “Even with that said, though, I keep hearing the same from people: ‘Why would I settle down now?’” Paris added, “Take the time that you need to feel comfortable, but also try not to let too much time go by. Sink or swim, you have to jump in the water eventually, so ease back in toe by toe. And try to get them pedicured.” He suggested heading to a local bar or a spot that lines up with your interests, or downloading the standard slate of dating apps, even if those “aren’t your thing.” “Put the time in and step out of your comfort zone!” he said. “Have faith that opportunity will blossom.” At the time of her interview, Brewster said, “I’m literally going on a date tonight!” She was anxious, but excited. Be like Brewster and Paris. Just get out there. And don’t forget to enjoy yourself! This isn’t supposed to be draining. “When you flirt for the purpose of having fun and connecting, it’s not a zero-sum game,” said Boyd. She’s right. Be honest, be yourself, be brave, and have a good time. Subscribe to our newsletter! Upgrade your life, one email at a time.